- Open the show with a scene of some random person with “special abilities” wreaking havoc on innocent people.
- Agent Dunham and the X-Squad to the rescue!
- Insert predictable field research scenes with lots of confused & incredulous looks.
- Peter “Pacey” Bishop says something stunningly witty and passively crushes on Agent Dunham.
- Dr. Bishop says or does something nutty.
- Dr. Bishop proposes some crazy solution to contain the situation.
- The doctor’s zany solution works! What luck!
- The X-Squad saves the day!
- Optional: Agent Dunham sees dead people.
- Queue ominous music.
- Creepy Thin Man Who Never Blinks appears and mutters something about — dun dun dun — “The Pattern!”, just in time for the show to end.
- Open up another Word document and start writing another paint-by-numbers plot line.
You forgot a very important step between 1 and 2: Have Agent Broyles give an Unsolved Mysteries style recap of the events in step 1 to the X-Squad.
Spot-on analysis, Jared. This should become a regular feature, wherein you figure out the pattern of a TV show plot! Certainly it would make for a great blog. Would Lost be as easy?
Jay » 15 October 2008 #
You’ve discovered ‘The Pattern’! The game is up!
Haha Jared. Couldn’t agree more. That’s pretty much how it has been every episode.
katy lavallee » 15 October 2008 #
So true. I’m watching it anyway of course. But, I am a girl and must see what becomes of Peter’s secret crush.
Most dramas seem to follow a similar pattern from week to week, particularly the “CSI” franchise.
Open on flashy scenes of Miami, girls in tiny bikinis climbing out of pools, etc. Someone dies. Fade in Horatio Caine, who surveys the scene, asks the CSI or coroner on duty for a quick briefing, then says something horribly punny. Roger Daltry screams us into the opening credits.
And so on.
Don’t forget Walter Bishop’s penchant for asking his son to pick up some kind of comfort food on his way back to the lab: “I’d like some cotton candy. Blue! Not the pink stuff!”