Saturday January 21, 2006

Things to Remember When Working for The Man.

  1. The Man is always trying to bring you down. Don’t let the lure of opportunity and false accomplishment fool you. The Man wants you to fail because failure always fits well into any business model.
  2. The Man owns all your organs and bodily fluids. Check the fine print in your contract, short stack.
  3. The Man only hired you just so he could crush your dreams. All of that time and money spent interviewing you, drawing up contracts and trying to recruit you is just a smokescreen for more sinister plans. And he knows it’s money well spent, because crushing dreams equals massive profit.
  4. The Man is sometimes a woman. Woah, I just blew your mind.
  5. The Man is not interested in progressive ideas, so take all that Ruby on Railroad Tracks talk elsewhere, because The Man ain’t havin’ it. The Man knows that progressive ideas are for commies and nar-do-wells.
  6. The Man is not interested in growing your skills. After all, what’s to be gained from such a radical approach? I’ll tell you what: a bunch of kids with a cavalier “Web 2.0” attitude, MacBooks and Threadless t-shirts, that’s what. Certainly nothing good could come from that crowd.
  7. The Man secretly owns Ruby on Rails. Sucker.
  8. And finally, The Man does not wear Sex Panther. Only guys with cool last names like Fantana and Dimon can tame that beast. This is a failsafe method of determining whether or not you work for The Man.

This just in: I do not work for The Man. Never have. I think his name is Chuck, but I don’t know because I’ve never worked for him. Apparently I need to clarify that this post is not autobiographical. Please restrict its use to the funny bone. If taken internally, call 911 immediately so that they can operate on your sense of humor.

Commentary


Nathan Smith » 4344 days ago #

You forgot one item on the list. “The Man” is really in charge of SD6. You’d better be a secret agent if you’re going to survive.

Jeff Croft » 4344 days ago #

In my case, The Man was a woman, and it was a couple jobs back at Washburn University. I can tell you with a great deal of certainly that The Man does not like it when you make Him cry.

Garrett » 4344 days ago #

Yes! Everything is complete now. With an obscure reference by Jared Igital, I can rest now. What is that smell?

Jared Christensen » 4342 days ago #

This is pretty much the worst post ever made.

Mat » 4340 days ago #

You spelt clarify wrong. Yeah, one to me.

Jared Christensen » 4340 days ago #

Dang it, you made me republish…

Greg » 4339 days ago #

so take all that Ruby on Railroad Tracks talk elsewhere

... classic.

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